Etiketter

torsdag 6 oktober 2011

Date at McDonalds

Once upon a time... the world was crumbled and shattered. The aspect of The Crusade of Cheeseburgers had arisen.

There was a little boy called Daniel and his brother Ben, they were living in a small village outside of Blockstone city called Bronzeshire. Daniel was in love with a girl, he was stunned by her beauty and confidence.

They went to the local class together, the only ”school” that was left after The Crusade of  Cheeseburger’s anger and might.

On a random day, Daniel decided to ask her out on a date. When the school ended, he was going home and saw her on the road. He quickly ran up to her and patted her on the back to get her attention. When she looked at him, it felt like his heart melted and he stopped for a moment. She stopped aswell. He couldn’t talk, he was way too nervous. The words just fell out of him. He yelled ”Wanna go out on McDonald's?”. She laughed and said sure.

The next day, the pressure was way too big to handle. He couldn’t believe that he had a date with her. He was way too scared, that’s when he asked Ben for help. Then they came up with a brilliant plan... Ben put on Daniel’s clothes and went on the date with her instead.

When it was time for the date, Ben went to McDonald's fifteen minutes earlier. He ordered the food and pulled out a hat... of fury. You could see the rage coming from the hat, it was glowing of power and anguish. He quickly took a poison from his pocket, and mixed it with a potion from his other pocket. He poured the liquid into the hat and laughed mockingly.

His date then entered McDonald's, he had to act quickly. He grabbed the burger he ordered and put it in the hat, then shook it, took the burger up and put it on her plate.

They greeted eachother with a handshake and a kiss on the cheek. They talked for a while, about their childhood and how it is being a twin.

She picked up the burger and moved it closer and closer to her mouth to take a bite. Ben couldn’t wait. She would finally discover the secret. She took a bite of the burger. Instantly she felt the anger, might, anguish and glory of the Crusade of Cheeseburgers. The thoughts came to her head, this wasn’t Daniel. She knew that his twin brother Ben was the potion grandmaster of the Crusade of Cheeseburgers.

”You’re not Daniel!” She yelled.
”No, I am not! I am Ben, the grandmaster potion master of the grandmasters of potions!”

The second he said that, he flew out of the window over a rainbow.

”I never want to see you again, I hate you!” She yelled as she turned into a cheeseburger and joined the crusade as all the other cheeseburgers.


The end.

6 kommentarer:

  1. väldigt välskrivet och jag tycker att det är väldigt mycket utfyllnad man kan tycka att det är både bra och dåligt jag tycker att det är lite onödigt mycket.
    PS Det var bra handling.

    SvaraRadera
  2. Orsaken till utfyllnad är att man lever sig mer in i det. Tack för kommentaren och din tid att läsa den.

    SvaraRadera
  3. För mycket onödig utfyllnad och om det ska ha mycket utfyllnad så ska det åtminstone passa med texten. Annars vad den bra skriven

    SvaraRadera
  4. Det är inte onödigt alls, utfyllnaden ger historien en känsla, detaljer. Jag förstår faktiskt inte vad du menar med utfyllnad. Det är bara detaljer.

    SvaraRadera
  5. Mycket bra jobbat, Pontus. Stabilt språk och intressant innehåll. Håller helt med dig om att detaljerna ger historien känsla! Varierat ordval!

    SvaraRadera
  6. Mål: Jag ville skriva en bra historia, men det var inte lika fritt som när man ska komma på en egen historia. Man behövde följa en annan historia och skriva om det.

    Detta är jag nöjd med: Jag tyckte att jag kunde skriva om det och komma på egna saker så att det inte blev så tråkigt. Eftersom jag var begränsad till att skriva egna saker tycker jag detta var ett bra arbete.

    Så här vill jag jobba vidare: Jag vill inte gå över styr med sagan och skriva så många detaljer som möjligt.

    SvaraRadera